Friendships are supposed to last forever, right? Right? Man, I wish the thought process of your 6-year-old self was right. We’ve all experienced that shocking moment when we realize, “Oh my god, this friendship is not what is used to be.” That thought hits you in the face like a brick wall—hard. Now, I’m not talking about the friendships that fade due to time or going to a different high school, college or moving to a new city. I’m talking about the friendships that cause you pain instead of happiness. The ones that deteriorate with your friend standing right by your side.

“What if she/he’s my best friend, and she/he is included in every aspect of my life?”

Trust me, I understand the weight of that decision. But when it comes down to your well-being, you have to be selfish. When you constantly think about your friendship with someone and kind of hesitate, well, that’s already a sign that maybe something isn’t right. You absolutely should not feel like a friendship is weighing you down. A friend is supposed to withstand your personality, emotional breakdowns and whatever the heck you can throw at them. She (or he) should help you grow as an individual and not exist for you to compare yourself to them.

I have come home countless times crying and angry because I felt beaten down and robbed of opportunities because of a friend who was always talking about where she was going, what she was going to do and who she was going to hang out with. I have never been at such a low point in my life. I was consumed with bitterness, hurt and loneliness, and somehow I still feel it every day.

To make matters weird, I had a dream that I was at a party with this friend, and even though I was standing right next to her, people would socialize with her while ignoring and isolating me. If that isn’t a sign for how I feel about this friendship then a freaking cow better fall out of the sky and crush me.

Honestly, if your friend is sucking the life out of you, you need to reconsider being friends with her/him. It’s not worth being miserable over a friendship that you feel you have to maintain because you’ve known them 12+ years (or however long you’ve know them). I’m not saying you have to cut off a friend because of a petty fight.

What I want you to understand is that there is a difference between arguing with a friend and feeling hollow because of a friend. Friends are influential both positively and negatively. It is okay if you lose one friend that makes you feel awful about yourself because you will find new friends in the future that will ultimately hearten you.

Just know when enough is enough.