GrrlPunch has been with me through a lot, through boys, birthdays, breakups, and so on. Somehow, this little magazine Lucy started a year and half ago has managed to make my life loads better just by existing. Honestly, I’m not sure who I would be if it wasn’t for the wonderful girls on our board and for GrrlPunch itself. Most recently, GrrlPunch has reminded me that no matter what, I am my own person, and no one can tell me who or what I am.
I’ll give you a brief rundown of my current events. About 6 or 7 months ago, I met this Scumbag. I fell for him hard and we saw each other for about a month. That was until I realized that he was pretty cruddy. So we went our separate ways, and he went back to his ex. I guess this time apart made me forget how lame he truly was, and when he came crawling back into my life, I received him with open arms. This time, we dated for about a month and half. I fell head over heels in love with him, and gave him all of my time and money (more money than anyone should know). And, silly me, believed he loved me just as much. About a week and half ago he attended my college orientation with me, and after his all-expense paid trip, he decided he “just couldn’t do long-distance.” Of course, I was heart-broken. Our perfect relationship ended for seemingly no reason, and I was left to attend college without the boy I so hopelessly loved. A few nights passed, I went on dates and met new people, but the idea of another relationship sickened me. This was until I received a text that this Scumbag was back with his ex he dated before me. In a fit of rage, I decided to storm over to his house to retrieve everything that was rightfully mine. At 7 AM, I plowed through his measly room, and ripped my sheets off the bed to find her bra and other undergarments (not to mention someone’s blood all over MY sheets?). In my fury, I tore up everything I could, and ran out with everything I bought. During this interaction, we screamed and yelled, and he coined me, “a crazy bitch.” As women, we are guaranteed this nickname at least once in our existence. Because apparently, getting back the things you bought is a radical notion that signals your insanity. I left that morning with the strangest sense of satisfaction. Suddenly my sorrows were gone. I finally saw this Scumbag for who he really was. I wasn’t jealous or upset; instead, I was set free from an awful relationship that was holding be back. It was only after this event that I learned from the ex’s friend and her ex that this Scumbag had slept with his ex while I was out of town. So now, not only was he a loser that I dated for far too long, but now he was a loser that cheated on me. However, I was still left unaffected. Of course I’m furious, and I’m still bothered that he won’t return some of the things he “borrowed” from me (like my limited edition Ray Bans, if you see them in a pawn shop please let me know), but I don’t miss him.
I can say with confidence that if it wasn’t for GrrlPunch, I would still be hung up on him. Hell, if it wasn’t for GrrlPunch I would probably still be with him. This empowering magazine reminded me what it means to be an independent woman. Moreover, I know now that there are men out there that only think with one thing, and no matter how hard you want to “fix” someone, you’ll never be able to. Scumbags belong with their equals, that’s just the way this world works. So I’ll let them tear each other apart. I’d like to think maybe 40 or so years down the road he will realize how right I was, but I know his type will never grow. He will never mature, he’ll never finish college, and he’ll never pay off that debt. Instead, he’ll keep drinking the same beer he made me drink, and he’ll keep fu**ing the same girl. Two years ago, this would have kept me up at night, but now I know it’s nothing to lose sleep over. He’s nothing to cry over. I have too much in front of me, and I have absolutely no time to look back. Instead, I’ll grow from this experience, and I’ll avoid Scumbags at all cost.
So, if you’re heart-broken or hung up on some Scumbag, look inside yourself. You are so much stronger than you think, I promise. No one can tell you who to be and no one can tell you how to feel. I know it’s hard to get over a breakup, but you’re capable of so much. Don’t hold yourself back from other opportunities. Scumbags are leeches, and they exist to make you just as low as them. Don’t let them! It’s times like these where I look towards our Lord and Savior, Beyonce. Lemonade, the word of God herself, provides me with comfort in these troubling times:
“Who the F*CK do you think I am….Give my fat a** a big kiss boy. Tonight I’m f*cking up all your sh*t boy.”
“What’s worse, lookin’ jealous or crazy?
Jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I’d rather be crazy”
“Sorry, I ain’t sorry.”
“Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, boy, bye, middle fingers up
I ain’t thinking ’bout you”
“Who the f*** do you think I am?
You ain’t married to no average b**** boy”
“You can watch my fat a** twist boy
As I bounce to the next d*** boy”
“You know you that b**** when you cause all this conversation
Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper”
I hope Bey’s inspiring words have helped you in the way they’ve helped me.
Never forget how strong you are. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.