I haven’t really been “there” this month. I stopped working on GrrlPunch with the feverish passion I usually do, I stopped talking to my mom and dad, I stopped talking to my friends, I didn’t go out much, and I cried every night in a new and unfamiliar dorm room. I haven’t been myself the past few weeks and I haven’t been very good at hiding it.

The extent of the downfall of my personality really shook me up. I felt myself falling and couldn’t find the strength to catch myself. However, I think that’s something I’ve always struggled with: wanting to catch myself and never allowing myself to be caught.

Being a freshman in college is much harder than I anticipated. As a young woman stepping onto a college campus the future seems crystal clear: go to classes, study, do your best in your classes, stay on track for your major, make friends, stay in touch with old ones, talk to your parents, talk to your grandparents, make more friends, join clubs, go to parties, go to sporting events, have fun (but not too much fun), don’t drink anything that’s handed to you at said party, don’t pass your limit, don’t let an individual take you home without consent, don’t walk home alone, get up and do it again. Easy, right?

So, I tried to “do college right”, but trying to check off the boxes in a university where I know I don’t fit in or belong was that much harder. So yeah, my first month of college was excruciatingly difficult, but lucky for me I have friends and family who wouldn’t leave me alone when I wanted to be left alone the most. So no, there’s no happy ending to the story of “How Lucy Hated Her First Month of College”, or at least not yet, but if you’re in the same situation that I’m in know that it’s not weird that you’re unhappy, nervous, or scared. Being thrusted into semi-depressing adulthood is culture shock that I wasn’t ready for, but I have eight-ish months for things to improve.

Much Love Always,