I’m one of those people who gets really, really caught up in the little things. The things that I know really don’t matter, but I worry about them for countless hours anyway. It’s not anxiety, at least I don’t think it is, but stress and worry over things like grades, the future, boys, and friends. I’ll worry about an argument or a bad grade and keep turning it over in my head until I realize that I’ve been lying in bed for 3 hours just thinking instead of falling asleep.
This year, I failed a chemistry quiz that dropped my grade in the class about ten points. I flipped out. It was the lowest average I had ever had and I convinced myself that I wasn’t going to get into to any of the colleges I want to go to, let alone get the scholarship money I need to attend most of them. Then, I thought, if I couldn’t go to these colleges I would somehow be so unsuccessful that I would end up homeless. This sounds crazy, one quiz grade made me doubt my entire future, but in that moment, I just couldn’t get perspective.
I was so stressed out that I decided I should put myself in physical pain, rather than think about my grade any longer, so I went on a run (I despise running). The sports that I play, tennis and swimming, are both for the most part inside, so on a regular day the most outdoor exposure I get is walking from building to building. It happened to be a beautiful day with the leaves changing and the sun setting at the same time, so I was emersed in a world of color. I felt this kind of wonder and amazement that made me see how small I was and how small my problems are. Somehow this made me realize that the sun will set tomorrow and the leaves will change colors next fall. This to say, everything will be fine and that the world will not end.