Yesterday I did something I never thought I would do.
After dropping off a friend, I decided the weather was too nice to sit in my dorm room. So, I drove around with my windows down and music playing. Ultimately, out of sheer boredom, I pulled into the parking lot of a store and thought, “eh, why not?”
I walked into the store and pursued the spring collection when I saw them. So I composed myself and quietly slipped out and fled back to the safety of my car. I sat in my driver’s seat stunned at my immediate reaction. I’m making what I actually saw sound more terrifying than it really is: two people who don’t really care for me. I’m really embarrassed that that was my immediately reaction to two people who could only hurt me with words. But, nonetheless, I felt smaller and vulnerable. What if they tried to talk to me? What if they didn’t? What would they say about me later on?
To be fair, my self-confidence wasn’t really at its peek that day. I had a huge, red, third eye-esque pimple right above my lip. I also had one of those moments earlier in the day where I look at a closet of clothes and internally scream that I have nothing to wear. So, basically things kept piling up. However, I never thought I would literally run away from something that made me uncomfortable- even people. Maybe I’m posting this online just to share a funny story of embarrassment, but really it fits with our new theme in-crowd, which I swear was not planned because of this occurrence.
If you’ve seen any coming of age movie, whether it be from the 80s, 90s, or present day, you know the whole mind set of an in-crowd and those who don’t make the cut. To be clear, this month we are not celebrating the “in-crowd”, but exploring why it even exists or why some people hold it to such high regard. That being said, I don’t think an in-crowd kind of mindset occupies much space past middle school, but even now at 19 I still experience the same thoughts of “am I good enough”, “why didn’t they invite me”, “do I have enough friends”, etc. after seeing like one snapchat story of some people having a good time. Maybe it’s important that I’m sharing this so someone who feels the same way won’t feel so ridiculous the next time stupid, fomo thoughts slip into their mind. Maybe I’m just embarrassing myself, who knows?
Much Love Always,