Art by Samantha
For many years, I was a small, scrawny girl with an unhealthy amount of pent-up anger. The smallest things would tick me off, leaving me in the hellish of moods for long periods of time. One could say I could strongly identify with the Grinch on Christmas (pre-Cindy Lou Who encounter). How I managed to go throughout life with such negative feelings is shocking to me, but I finally came to a realization that being constantly ticked off made me even more angry and upset. So, and I apologize for the Christmas allusions in the dead heat of July, I decided to make my Grinch heart grow three times its puny size and expose myself to what made me most happy while shut myself off from everything that put me in a sour mood.
Instead of finding love for one thing, I found love in many things. And this is extremely important, because you simply cannot rely on one thing as your source of happiness. I surrounded myself with many people and the things I love. I started talking to and spending more time with my family, especially cherishing the few months I have with them before I’m off to college. In my spare time, I reach out to my closest friends and take advantage of this summer to spend as much time as possible with them before I am separated from them and forced to find completely new friends. I reached out to Lucy to ask if I could take over the monthly playlists for Grrlpunch because I knew making playlists is something I find joy in. I have taken every opportunity to go to as many concerts as possible because I know that I find the most happiness in listening to live music with a lively crowd. I even reverted back to studying art history in my own time because I had such a strong appreciation for the subject in school.
Now, in my opinion, it is very easy to search for the things you love and immerse yourself into the happiness they conjure; but what’s hard is to ignore and let go of the things that make you upset. It sounds completely backwards, but it just seems to be a universal truth. It took me months to let go of toxic friends, remove myself from certain situations, and even take a break from all of social media; but once I did, it felt great. If there’s anything to take away from this, it’s that I want you all to go out and find what you love and indulge yourself in it, while taking the time to detox yourself from the things that make you upset. You simply cannot go throughout life as I once did, because it’s definitely not fun.
Love you lots,