Dear You (I hesitate to call you “Sir” or “Miss” because I daresay I truly don’t know who or what you are, only that you are the being of my nightmares),
We’ve spent quite a long time together, though I can’t say I particularly enjoyed it. To be frank, you’re selfish, arrogant, anti-charismatic, embarrassing, irrational, and an overall veteran bore to be around. All this being said, I’m writing you to inform you that I’ll no longer be requiring your presence. No need to turn in your two-weeks notice: informal as it may be, though circumstance requires it, I’m giving you the boot right here and now.
To say it wasn’t anything you did would be a complete and unmitigated lie, and I absolutely refuse to spare you the details, so here it is. Do you know how many football games, youth group functions, parties, or even just school days you wrecked? And that’s not even including the ones we just didn’t go to because you thought they’d be lame, or you thought you looked gross, or you thought you wouldn’t know anyone there? How come my being there was never enough for you? And how come it was always about you anyway? I guess I’m partially (well, a little more than partially) to blame for letting your dumb opinions dictate my choices anyway, but that’s still no excuse for your despondent selfishness. It’s really no wonder you’ve only ever had me to hang out with; you’re such a Debby downer.
Aside from being the most inconsiderate and narcissistic force of nature, I hate how angry you are the time. I hope you realize one day that you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to be angry and to fight, but the days that we’re young and rich with opportunity are dwindling down, and all you’re going to be left with at the end is distrust and regret. Sucks.
Though I wholeheartedly doubt you’re even physically capable of considering anyone besides yourself, don’t worry about me; I’ll be perfectly fine without you. Contrary to this elaborate, illusory fantasy you’ve got going on in your head, you’re actually not the glue holding this whole operation together. You’re not like glue at all; you hold nothing together. You’re like the lint between my toes. You’re not cute, and you’re not protecting me from anything; you’re what stands between me and the bright and beautiful world that lies ahead, and for that alone, I have to let you go.
Just so you know, this has been a long time coming, and I’ve been inching away from you for months. I’ve found with every inch further away from you I get, the happier I am, the clearer my skin is, and the more loved I feel. It never fails to shock me how cavalier you manage to be, so I know you assume that there’s a whole in my heart now where you used to be. Turns out though that you were just a tumor, and upon removal, there’s only more room for good things to grow and thrive, and my heart is as full as it’s ever been. So ha.
They say if you love someone you have to let them go, but this doesn’t really apply to us because I don’t think either of us ever loved each other at all. Nevertheless, I’m letting you go. I think the second part of that expression goes “…and if they really love you, they’ll return.” Well, I know you never loved me because you certainly never did anything for me at all, and all I can do is pray that you never EVER return. You’re not wanted.
That’s really all I have to say to you, but because I’m the bigger person, I’m going to do something that you’d never in a million years even think about, and thank you. Thanks for showing me what not to do, and teaching me how not to live my life. Thanks for showing me what literal darkness looks like, so I now truly see how bright the rest of the world is. I hope I never forget how awful you made me feel.
Please don’t write back and wishing you all the worst, Ruby </3