In the newest episode of GrrlPunch Online Magazine’s Fireside Chats with the Editor, Lucy covers new beginnings, changes in the moon and what’s she’s been interested in. Listen through the Soundcloud link below or keep reading for a full transcription of the podcast with links!
“Well, hello and welcome to GrrlPunch’s podcast, Fireside Chats with the Editor, me, Lucy Hargrove!
I am so excited to restart this podcast series not only because my parents tell me I like hearing the sound of my own voice too much, but also because we love adding variety to the things we post on the website. I took about a year long hiatus from podcasting, despite wanting the series to become more regular on the website, for a number of reasons, but mainly because I didn’t know what to talk about anymore. I felt really burnt out and still do. It’s like I’ve said in articles time and time again, I don’t like to touch on a problem I’m facing- that you might be facing yourself- without some sort of resolve in the back of my head. Because no one wants to sit and listen to me complain about things for ten minutes. So, I just went radio silent, but I think I’m ready again and if I’m not, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
But because this is our first podcast posting in a long time I wanted to focus on that theme of revival and talk a bit about blaming it on the moon. So, let’s get some astronomy up in this bitch…
If you don’t know already, which I’m sure you do, the moon goes through phases. That’s what the various moon shapes on that poster you bought from Urban Outfitters for 30 dollars stands for. But all capitalist digs aside because I’ve definitely been there myself, the moon goes through new, first quarter, full and last quarter phases. I’ve always felt a personal connection with new moons. I was born on a new moon and, often times, semi-large life changes usually occur on the night or day of a new moon. It’s likely that it’s just nonsensical coincidences, but let me live. Oh! That was a motorcycle, I live in a room that is primarily windows, so you’ll have to bear with me, but in said room I have a moon chart up in my room entitled “Blame It On The Moon” created by the artist People I’ve Loved. It basically let’s me know when shit’s about to get real. It also has a handy dandy legend to explain the phases and what you might feel during those times.
On said legend, it explains that a new moon is considered a phase of new beginnings where you prepare for new things to come like new ideas. It tells you to write down intentions and to color or decorate the list to better manifest these desires. The first quarter moon is when the seeds of the new moon are taking root. The legend describes it as a phase of strength, determination and commitment to new directions. So it’s telling you, basically, to refocus emotional energy into creative passion and to get things done and finish goals. A full moon is a time to think on challenges and reflect on the past month. The legend says to be expansive, embrace divine feminine energy (amazing, right?) and harvest what’s ripe to be ready for the things that are to come. It then tells you to write a list of the things that are not serving your higher purpose and then let them go. Essentially, embrace this time of healing. Lastly, the Last Quarter Moon is a time of introspection and re-evaluation. The legend tells you to rid yourself of negativity to have room for positive energy and to contemplate creativity and growth. So, a lot of stuff on your to-do list. To do that, it says to evaluate the previous month, take responsibility (shit!), think over accomplishments and reflect on new intentions.
So, naturally, I was really excited for May’s new moon that would promptly change my life for the better on the 15th. But this time around the moon did not do what I wanted it to, it actually screwed me over. The 15th of May is full of bad memories for me from a couple years back so I was excited for a chance of new opportunities and feelings associated with the date, but I didn’t get them. I got really sad and anxious and as a result started menstruating from stress that lasted for over a week (and it wasn’t even when it was supposed to happen in my cycle) and it just left me exhausted. As much as I cried and longed for clarity, looking back I know this was helpful in forcing me to re-evaluate why I was so hurt and how I had never allowed myself to be angry. I wrote down my thoughts and looking back on them, there are some things that I taught myself without knowing it. So, here are some snippets:
“I just feel wilted. Not completely gone, but furiously aware of being less than I once was. Last week I started a draft about the Handmaid’s Tale episode where June/Offred finally succumbs to hopelessness. It scared me shitless- maybe because I’ve felt it, feel it, will feel it and I’ve been patching up sadness and anger for so long. But maybe it’s finally time to be angry in order to experience resilience”.
So, there you have it, my innermost thoughts from my journal. But all jokes aside, maybe it’s a little sad to hear, but I needed to hear it. I needed to make myself say it and that last line has been ringing in my ears for a week now. It’s very common for young women and those who identify as such to trick themselves into thinking that we don’t deserve clarity, anger or closure. But without it, how can you grow? How can you change things? How can you take the new moon by the horns? For me, I think that addressing my feelings more is the best start to helping myself. Although I don’t do it enough, writing things down and reading back over them when I know I need to hear my past thoughts is really soothing because even if it doesn’t feel like it, progress has been made. I’ve made it through another day, another week, another month and still walking upright.
I don’t know how to start wrapping this up other then saying I’m really happy to be back and creating more than my editor’s notes for publication. We’ll be having some exciting things happening to GrrlPunch in the coming weeks that we’ll be posting about on social media so be sure to click that follow button if you’d like.
But let’s cover a few things I’ve been ingesting media-wise, recently, before I sign off. I’ve become really obsessed with Dolly Alderton’s and Pandora Sykes’ podcast The High Low by the recommendation of one Emily Zachry. You can listen to this brilliant piece of journalism on the free podcast app Acast. The duo just uploaded their 56th episode, so you have a lot of catching up to do.
I also, recently, picked up my copy of the Girlboss Workbook again that was created by Sophia Amoruso, who also has an amazing podcast on Girlboss Radio, imagine that! The workbook, which is basically a spin-off as one could say, of her first book just entitled Girlboss, is just a really cool artistic way to make a to-so list. It’s really helpful for young people getting into the job market or starting to think about that aspect of their lives. It’s illustrated really well and makes you feel good about not knowing what you’re doing, which is a constant for me. I’ve also been revisiting a book of short stories called “The Bed Moved” by Rebecca Schiff and binge watching John Oliver clips on YouTube- yes, judge me if you must. I’ve also really enjoyed the New York Times article “Married to a Mystery Man” written by Kerry Egan that was also sent to me via Emily. Notice a pattern here? Nonetheless, it’s a very interesting read that I highly recommend. I’ve missed a lot of the things that I’ve been interested in recently, but that’s what the new podcast is for right? Thank you for listening to my ramblings and I hope June brings you all success, happiness and health. We’ll see you next time!”
Much Love Always,