Attraction is — by definition of the Oxford dictionary— the action or power of evoking interest in or liking for someone or something. Attraction is disconcerting and can end up being one-dimensional — by definition of mine, and what I assume to be most of the world’s personal opinion.

There is a time where you may narrow in on the thought of this one-dimensional attraction and start to wonder if that is still even considered attraction. It is not. It then turns into a word of an entirely new meaning: fetish. Fetishizing is  — by defining of the Oxford dictionary — a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

Racial fetishizing comes in the sense of fetishizing a person for their skin tone, culture and racial stereotypes. You see this often come into play with women of color and Asian women. African American women for their societal set stereotypes as having dominating attitudes making us “dominate” by nature. And the same for Asian women viewed as the “lotus flower” or for being “submissive” in sexual encounters.

Having interest into these qualities is not flattering, it isn’t a compliment; it is more so racism in the form of feeding into a sexual desire. Stop making these women feel as if they are the strange ones when they don’t want to sleep with you because you want to see what it is like to have sex with a black women. For example, “jungle fever” is an example of racial fetishizing that is absolutely inappropriate and inherently racist (Which I, and I assume many other black women, have dealt with this a handful of times when being out at a bar, club or just the office.) 

This is yet another objectification being placed on certain women. Please stop. We are not here to be the finger you put down in your game of Never Have I Ever, or the reliving of your favorite porno.

Racial fetishizing comes in many different forms and is not just placed by men, but has also been placed by women. “I only date black guys.” I have heard many white female coworkers discuss in passing conversations – yikes!

Women also fetishize in the form of children. Yikes, Yikes! Please stop talking to me about how you only want mixed or Asian children because they’re the cutest in some form of what seems to be you trying to relate to my blackness. I mean, yes, they’re adorable, but can we also agree that every baby looks the same until about the age of 24 months, aka two.

This is not me saying that if you have an attraction to African American and Asian women that you have a fetish. That is not at all what I am saying, but when your attraction narrows down to one single quality, you might want to ask yourself if you’re actually attracted to them or if you’re feeding off of your own fetish.