October always seems to bring a sigh of relief to most young millennials, myself included. However, at the end of September and the beginning of this month, I’ve felt extremely foggy in my head. I’ve tried sleeping it off, over-caffeinating myself and meditating. But my eyes continue to feel heavy and my vision feels blurry. It’s the kind of strange sickness that makes you rethink your lacking orange juice intake.

Worst of all, it’s caused me to stray from my self-care routine, something that keeps me grounded and is one of the few habits I stick to in daily life. I am nearly obsessive over my skincare routines, but this groggy and depressive feeling of the month has made rethink getting out of bed to take care of myself.

I remember a little while back seeing a post about a woman suffering from depression that couldn’t take care of herself causing her hair to become so matted and tangled that she took herself to a hairstylist asking for them to just cut it all off. She couldn’t see anyway that the individual would be able to save her hair and make her feel good for just a little while again. In the back of my head I thought, “how could it get this bad and this could never happen to me right?”

Thankfully, the salon was able to save her hair and make her feel pampered and taken care of for a little while. Although I do not like like to compare the individualistic struggle with mental health, I can’t help but think that my regression in self-care is like my personal matted hair story. It’s a frustrating and embarrassing thing that I’ve had to come to terms with, but I’m working on it.

I’m working on becoming a creature of habit, breaking up my day into small sections to help me get things done. I’m also bribing myself to get things done because, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. If it takes allowing myself to make too many online purchases to get some shit done, I’m obviously going to do it and look fabulous while battling depression and anxiety.

…..

Let’s pivot.

All my life I’ve been obsessed with success stories. You know, the stories of a person waitressing for 10 years and then getting their big break on a mid afternoon soap and becoming a star. Or maybe more recognizable success stories you see on Buzzfeed listicles on Facebook that make you feel better about being a piece of shit 20 year old because Oprah and Tina Fey weren’t that great at that age either.

Well, I’ve been waitressing for five years and haven’t had a big break so what the hell am I doing wrong? For shits sake, I’ve got some great reviews on Yelp.

All jokes aside, I think reading these stories are killing me slowly on the inside. For some, these stories may make you a little more hopeful that you’re not on the top yet. For me, they make me feel too comfortable in a job that I do not want to make a career i.e. serving breakfast to people and refilling drinks. They REALLY make me want to drop out of college because maybe if I do I can make a killing in the smartphone industry. And they also make me incredibly anxious that I am or am not taking the right steps every step of the way.

So, this month, I’m exiting out of those tabs on my computer and putting away the inspiring autobiographies sitting next to my bed. But if you also need a little push, here’s a list of things to do this month:

– Drink some freshly squeezed orange juice, it’ll fix all of your health problems.

– Hug a kitten.

– Only trick or treat in the neighborhoods that give our toothbrushes and apples to really up your dental hygiene.

– Utilize your planner more and add stickers to make that one looming assignment look a little less daunting.

– Spend some time alone. Being with people is draining and straight up annoying so try to be with yourself for a bit until you start annoying yourself too.

– Spend October watching scary/autumn themed movies with your roommates or friends whether the movie is good or bad. Baking cookies before the movie earns you 5 more points.

 

Have a nice and spooky October. Try not to rush things this month.

Much Love Always,

Lucy